Rollins' Pain
by TarlsBlack
Summary: When Detective Rollins comes in contact with two people from her past, how will she react?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine. :)**

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**Chapter 1 **

"We don't really have anything Captain," Said Detective Amanda Rollins, as she pointed at the whiteboard, "Jane Doe is 20 years old. She was raped, slashed and dumped in an alley. The M.E. found no hairs, saliva or semen. I reckon he's done this before."  
"So do I," Captain Cragen agreed. Detective Olivia Benson sat at her desk watching the blonde work, "She's young, so maybe she was a student at Hudson. Olivia, Amaro, go check it out. Ask the school admin if you can go through their student databases, and ask as many professors and students as possible if they know her." Olivia and Nick Amaro stood and the Special Victims Unit squad room. Odafin Tutuola came through the door.  
"I did a door to door of the street around the alley, but no one knew the girl." He said.  
"OK, there isn't much you two can do now, just do some paperwork, or go have a nap." Fin and Rollins sat at their desks and eyed the ever-growing stack of paperwork that sat in front of them. They pulled the first file off the top and got to work.

"This is getting nowhere." Amaro groaned.  
"Agreed. Wanna get a coffee and go back?" Olivia asked.  
"Yeah OK." They made their way to a close coffee shop and ordered. As they waited, the sat and chatted.  
"How's Zara?" Olivia wanted to know.  
"Fine."  
"Nick." Olivia said in a warning voice.  
"I don't know how she is Olivia. I haven't seen her in a month, and the last time I spoke to her was a week ago."  
"How are you holding up?"  
"I'm… I'm stressed and upset and frustrated and angry and I miss her. She's my baby girl and Maria just took her away."  
"I know Nick. Give Zara a ring. Invite her over for the holidays. Cragen would let you take it, I know he would."  
"Would Maria?" He asked. The waitress brought their coffees over and his question hung in the air. Before she could answer Olivia's phone rang. It was the Captain. Olivia stood quickly, almost knocking her coffee over, before whispering to Nick: "There's been another death."

They dashed to the car and drove quickly to the scene, lights flashing and sirens on. Olivia had put Cragen on loudspeaker.  
"This one had I.D. Her name is Lacey Gerome. She's 22 years old and goes to Hudson. Raped, slashed and dumped in an alley. Warner doesn't know if there'll be evidence." They went back to the precinct and Rollins and Benson decided to take a nap. They'd been awake for 15 hours and there wasn't anything they could do until Warner had done the autopsy.

"Manda, Manda, hey, wake up." It was Fin, gently shaking her shoulders.  
"What? I'm sleepy." Amanda yawned.  
"Someone's here to see you."  
"Who?" She asked, sitting up on the bed.  
"I don't know. She didn't give her name." He shrugged. Rollins stood and wandered into the squad room… and stopped dead in her tracks. Fin almost ran into her. She stared at the teenage girl standing in front of her.  
"Detective, are you OK?" The girl asked, stepping forward. Rollins nodded, quickly recovering herself.  
"Why don't we talk somewhere private?" Rollins said, leading the girl into a room they used to talk to victims.  
"I'm sorry for interrupting you at work, Detective, but I needed to talk to you."  
"It's OK Simmone. And please, call me Amanda. What's going on?"  
"Something's happened and I… um… I… just…" Simmone stumbled.  
"Are you hurt?" Rollins asked seriously.  
"I was raped," Simmone blurted out, "I mean, I think I was."  
"You're not sure?"  
"It was my boyfriend. I said no, I didn't want to, but he said we should do it, and then he got on top of me and pushed me down and… _forced_ himself inside me. And it was horrible. And it hurt."  
"When was this?" Rollins asked.  
"A few hours ago. I was exhausted. I needed to sleep." Simmone stared at the floor.  
"Honey," Rollins said, holding Simmone's hands, "What happened to you, it was rape. You should get a rape kit done."  
"Do I have to?"  
"No, but if you want to press charges, you need to."  
"I don't know what I want. I'm scared I'm pregnant. He didn't wear a condom. I'm just scared."  
"I know. How about I take you to the hospital and you can take some medicine to stop pregnancy and diseases, and then you decide there if you want to do a rape kit or not?" Rollins suggested. Simmone nodded, "OK, I will be back in a second. You stay here." Rollins stood and made her way to the Captains office. She felt Fin staring at her, but didn't care. She knocked on the Captain's door and entered.  
"Hey, Sir, we have a 14 year old girl who was raped. I'll take her to the hospital. She doesn't know whether she wants a rape kit done, or if she wants to press charges, but she needs to get checked out."  
"Name?" He asked. He could see the fear and uncertainty in her eyes and knew this was personal.  
"Simmone Jefferson. Foster mother is Hannah Jefferson." Rollins left the room quickly. She collected Simmone and drove her to the hospital. The nurses gave her some tablets, one to prevent pregnancy and others to prevent STD's. Simmone decided to have a rape kit done. Rollins held her hand the whole time.

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**Hey guys, I know it's been a while since I posted but here you go! It's only a short story, but I'm hoping to do more in the future. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Rollins, my office." Captain Cragen instructed, the next day. Rollins stood and followed him into his office. She closed the door and stood just inside.  
"What's your deal with the girl?" Cragen asked her.  
"Nothing. She's just a kid. It's horrible what happened to her and I want to help her."  
"Amanda, I know there's something there."  
"There's not Captain."  
"Amanda." He sad warningly.  
"Leave it!" She snapped. She turned on her heel, flung open the door and ran, ran as far and as fast as she could, until she couldn't run anymore. She stopped and tried to catch her breath. She was on a roof, on the roof of the building that she had fled to in her youth, when scared or upset. She felt her phone vibrate and let it go to voicemail. She leant against the wall behind her and slid down to the ground, her head in her hands, tears streaming down her face.

Soon it was night and she knew she had to get some sleep. She wasn't ready to go back to the precinct, so she decided to go to her apartment. Once there, she locked herself in and decided to have a shower. She got out and dried herself off. She got changed into her favourite pyjamas and curled up on the lounge. Someone knocked on the front door but she ignored it. They knocked again and she continued to ignore it.  
"Amanda, I know you're in there." Olivia's voice came through the door.  
"Go away!" Shouted Rollins.  
"I'm not going anywhere." Olivia said. Amanda fell off the lounge and opened the door. She turned and walked back to the lounge, curling up in a ball again. Olivia crouched next to her and stroked her hair. Amanda flinched and Olivia pulled her hand away.  
"What happened to you Amanda?" Olivia asked softly.  
"Nothing."  
"Do you want me to sit with you?" Olivia asked. Amanda nodded. Olivia sat on the lounge and Amanda sat up. Olivia held Amanda as she cried.

Amanda woke for a start, and was surprised to see Olivia in her kitchen, making breakfast. She stood and walked to the breakfast bar, and sat on a stool. Olivia turned and smiled.  
"How are you?" She asked.  
"I'm fine." Amanda said.  
"OK. You coming in to work?" Amanda nodded, "Oh by the way, we had a break in the Jane Doe and Lacey Gerome case. The M.E. found a hair that didn't belong to Lacey. She ran it and got a hit. A guy by the name of Luke Gerard," Amanda looked up quickly, "He was a security - "  
"Did you say Luke Gerard?" Amanda cut Olivia off.  
"Yes."  
"Shit." Amanda stood and sat back on the lounge.  
"Amanda?" Olivia questioned the blonde detective. She walked back to the lounge as well. Rollins was sitting with her head in her hands.  
"I used to know Luke. He was my best mate in high school. We lost touch when I went into the academy." Amanda said.  
"You need to tell the Captain."  
"I will," Amanda nodded, "Can we eat?" Olivia nodded, and served up the eggs and bacon she had cooked. Then, they went into work together.

Rollins sat at her desk staring at the stack of paperwork in front of her. She didn't want to talk to Captain Cragen about Luke, but knew she had to. She stood and knocked on his door. He called to tell her to enter. She opened the door and closed it behind her.  
"Hey," He said, "How are you?"  
"I'm good. Sorry for running out on you yesterday."  
"It's OK. Olivia called and told me you were safe last night. Did she tell you about the break in the Lacey case?"  
"She did actually. I wanted to talk to you about that." She said.  
"Sit down Amanda." She did.  
"I used to be friends with Luke Gerard. We went to high school together and lost touch when I joined the academy."  
"So you were close?"  
"Yeah. Best mates."  
"OK, you're off the case Amanda. I'm sorry. You can work the Simmone Jefferson case. You said that it was her boyfriend?"  
"Yep, and rape kit backs it up. I really think he did it Captain."  
"Pick him up. Take Fin with you," Amanda stood, "And Amanda, tell me if there's anything going on. I want to help you." Amanda nodded. She left with Fin.

"Jeremy. I know you raped that girl." Fin stood over the boy. Rollins watched from behind the glass. She couldn't find a way to be in the same room as this kid.  
"She would say that." He hissed.  
"Why would she say that? We both know it's true."  
"Fuck her." Jeremy spat out. Rollins turned the sound down. She went back into the squad room, sat at her desk and closed her eyes.  
"Manda!" A voice shouted at her. She looked up and saw Luke Gerard in handcuffs. Her heart started racing and she stood and ran from the room. She ended up in the locker room. She punched and kicked the lockers. She opened hers and pulled everything in it onto the ground. Fin entered the room and grabbed her.  
"Amanda." He said softly.  
"Let me go!" She shouted.  
"No, Amanda, calm down." He said, again softly.  
"He raped me. He raped me." She sobbed. She finally gave in and he held her as she cried.

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**This story is going really well. :) I love it already. I've decided there will only be one more chapter, because I think I should keep my stories short to begin with, and then hopefully work on longer ones. :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Rollins sat on a bench in the locker room next to Fin.  
"I was 19. We were best friends and one night we were watching sport on TV. He turned to me and said 'You know you want me.' I told him that I wasn't interested in him. That we were just friends. He grabbed me, pulled down both our pants, got on top of me… and forced himself into me. He whispered 'Nobody says no to Luke Gerard.' I told him no a few times and that's when he hit me. He screamed 'Shut up you whore!' I just froze. His eyes glazed over and I could see the pleasure in his face. I could feel his breath on me. It was horrible. When he was done, he pushed me away, told me if I told anyone he'd kill me and left. I just cried. I didn't go anywhere for two weeks. I didn't know what to do. And then, I started feeling sick and throwing up and I was late. I took a test. I was pregnant. I couldn't abort the baby. So I decided to have it, and give it away. I had a beautiful little girl. This woman adopted her and I kept in touch. There was an opportunity, when she was 12, to go and speak to her whole school about cyberbullying. I put up my hand to go. I spoke to her, and her Mum and I decided it was the right time to tell her she was mine. She knew she was adopted, but she was so upset that I hadn't told her or kept her. She told me I was a horrible person, and that she never wanted to see me again. Before that I was like her Aunt. She was always telling people about me being a cop," A tear rolled down her face, "Simmone is my daughter. She reached out to me when she needed someone and I have to help her." Amanda burst into tears again. Fin held her in his arms again.  
"Shhh, it'll be OK." He whispered, as he stroked her hair.

"I understand now Amanda." Said Cragen. Fin had dragged her into his office and plonked her on a seat. She had relayed the story, in between the sobs which racked her body.  
"I'm sorry Captain." She wiped a tear from her face.  
"Amanda it's OK."  
"No Captain it's not. I lied to you. I'm so sorry." She looked at the ground, feeling sick.  
"I've taken SVU off the case. I told the DA that we couldn't do it, as it was personal. I didn't mention your name."  
"Thanks Captain." She stood and ran from his office. She locked herself in a toilet stall and threw up everything she had eaten that morning. She had a bad feeling, so she went to her bag, got a small package out, and went back to the toilet.  
After she was done she ended up back in Captain Cragen's office.  
"I'm pregnant." She said, a sob catching in her throat.

**THE END!**

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**Last chapter for this story and I reckon it's the best. I think I might do a second story that's a time lapse of a few years to this one. I'm not sure yet though. But I'll let you know. :) This was my favourite chapter of this whole story. Super happy with it. Sorry it was so short. :)**


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